Happiness

Hello there,

It is 9:43 pm now and I have started writing this letter. The date is 6th of June, 2020. The year we all can’t wait to get over with. We are already half way through it and every day is a big bad surprise. Honestly, it has been really tough six months. The whole world seems as though they have been grief skricken and considering you are a part of it, I have come up with something that could be of help. Well, not me but someone I read/heard from. I thought I would echo few strategies towards human well being or simply put, being happy. I hope you might gain some insights. Just skim through this, because there isn’t any TL;DR.

And just a disclaimer, if you have read any of my previous works, this one is going to be a little different. This contains a bit of a science and some research findings that I came across recently. So, whatever you will read today is not entirely my thoughts. I am roughly summarizing what I learnt from a podcast I heard the other day. I will leave the source for you, at the end. If you find any of these interesting, feel free to visit those. It will be no less than a goldmine.

I am almost 23 now. A couple of weeks from now and I will be a year old, although I don’t really get the idea of being younger a day before and older the other day. But, I am adhering to the idea of birthdays, for totally selfish reasons. Even though I am not a fan, I still love to at-least cut a cake for an achievement that nature unlocked for me, without me trying a bit. Birthdays, sadly, also mean that I am a year closer towards the ultimate truth (open to interpretations). That brings me to a shallow-deep conversations I keep having with a couple friends that I have, about our aims in life and all that sh*t. And amongst all, happiness surfaces through and becomes the champion. We kind of have decided that our aim in life is to be happy. Whatever we choose to do and end up being, the underlying goal would be to remain happy through out our lives. Well-sought out plan, I must say. Only problem though, is the act itself, of being happy. It felt confusing. So, what really is happiness?

A professor at University of California who happens to be a happiness expert defines it simply as a mixture of two components.

  • Having positive emotions (happy in life);

  • Having a sense of awareness about where one’s life is leading and being satisfied with it (happy with life).

This ought to give us a rough idea about what really happiness is. The greater question now would be, how can I really be happy? Since I have made that my life’s greatest goal, shouldn’t I be focusing and asking that question. Yes and if you want to be happy, perhaps you should too.

But the tragedy of human lives today is that most people don’t know what they want. Most people think that the answer to all the questions they have in mind can and will be answered with these few things- money, relationships, career, success and fame.

(Woah, calm down before you judge this letter. If you think I am about to lecture about how these things aren’t true and how you should give up a job that pays you. Well, you are wrong. Because I know these all can bring some happiness, to some, but its a little trickier than that. I just found out. And I am trying to convey it to you. So just hang on, okay? Give it 5 minutes.)

The things that I mentioned, those few things, they may bring happiness of some sort. I am in no way denying that, but what I have found out is that the opposite is definitely true and much more effective. Confused about the opposite? Well, let me make myself clear.

What if I say that the chances of you being happy when you buy a Mercedes is less than your chances of buying Mercedes if you are happy? In simple words, feeling happy leads to a better life outcomes. Still confused? Let me take some help here and explain it with a study that has been going on for more than eighty years now. Yes, eighty years of research in search of real happiness. Turns out it’s just not me, my friend and Pharell Williams who thinks/sings about being happy. Turns out the pursuit started long before we all were even born.

The study I am talking about is The Harvard Study of Adult Development and this is the longest study of adult life that has ever been conducted. Started in the year 1938 and still active, which is thoroughly impressive. I can’t wait to share you more, but we will come back to this later. First, a question.

How happy were you when you were at grade seven? I know you probably don’t remember. But what if I said that your level of happiness then, could roughly estimate how much you would earn in your adult life. Interested yet? A research was carried out (not the same as Harvard’s) with a bunch of seventh graders and they were asked about their happiness levels. The stats were recorded and when they were traced later on in their lives to find out how much they earned, the results were fantastic. The kids who performed well on the happiness test were found to earn more than 10% than the average salary while the kids who had problems expressing their positive emotions earned less than 30% than average people. This, to me was really fascinating. And not just this, but women who were found to be more happy in their early 20s ended up with much stronger relationships through out their lives. Co-incidence? Definitly not.

These findings however, rattled my teeny cage up in the skull and led to think about all the middle school students and teenagers, and about their future. Teens today are growing to be sadder and depressed, and I have just found out that the problem that we may have thought was going to be limited during the school days is going to haunt them through out their lives. This was disheartening.

Well, not just them. But us. We are so focused about and in tomorrow that we barely have time to live in today. We tend to overthink about everything and end up putting ourselves in despair that we fail miserably towards being productive and doing better. It becomes a vicious cycle and happiness becomes far fetched. What we have been utterly mistaken at, is being happy today, which is proven to be more helpful tomorrow than being anxious about the same. This may seem counter intuitive but we should give ourselves a chance today and try to be happy which most likely will result into a better tomorrow. Worrying is just not going to help, but studies prove that when you stop doing so, things might just all fall into places.

Amongst the common misconceptions about happiness, is the myth that goes around- sudden attainment of something precious is going to make us content. But it’s truly not the case. Jim Carrey said something about this. He said, “I hope everybody could get rich and famous and will have everything they ever dreamed of, so they will know that it’s not the answer.” It sort of is gaining on me to which I previously used to think- he is saying those words because he is rich and famous. But I realized, it only just makes sense that he is saying that. Because it will take a rich and famous person to know and comtemplate that it is not an answer. But then what really is an answer? To find that out, let’s take a step back and learn more about the greatest research of all time.

Before we jump right into the conclusion; just a faint introduction to who had volunteered for this study. The students from the Harvard itself. And who did that involve? Well a lot of people and some, very few, of them are still alive today. Laurie (the professor whose podcasts I listened to and am preaching about to you) says that the students went on to becoming some great personalities in the history of US. They became chief editors in some of the greatest newspapers of all time, to member of presidential cabinet to the president himself. To your surprise, John F. Kennedy was also a part of this. So with that information, let’s move on to the results.

Let’s start with the basics.

  • Drinking/smoking is bad for your psychological/physical well being (big surprise).

  • Wealth is not equal to happiness (woah! not again).

When a same statement turns up a numerous times, you probably have to give it a thought. Perhaps, what they are saying is true. Possibly, there is more to happiness than just big bucks. Well, you be the judge.

Imagine yourself at the death bed (not a pretty thought), but if you were, what would you wish you had done more today? Would you say you would have spent more time in your office? Or would you wish you had spent more time with your family? Well, I would like to believe its the latter. This will make me happier that you and I are in the same page and will also help me make my point. Which is- working and earning or making big bucks is a part of life. Survival and perhaps living comfortably without having to worry economically is essential stimulus for happiness but it is by no means is happiness entirely. That is not the sole purpose of your being alive and people seem to really misunderstand this. According to the research, people at their death beds mostly cherished about their times with their family, they had pride in raising healthy children and having a romantic relationship with their partner. Almost no one told about the time at their offices, and that ought to tell you something. I believe it should tell you that you may have been prioritizing a lot on things that will merely be important when you look back. I also believe we need to work and work hard towards bringing that balance and re-defining your priorities.

Another misguided practice is the whole act of postponing your time for happiness. While in college, you may think happiness will knock you door when you are up and about working for some company. While you are there you may think, “I will be happy when I get promoted.”. When you get promoted, you might believe that this is not for you. You will perhaps say you would be happier when you switched career paths and so on. The cycle continues until it eventually stops and that is when you stop and then would be already too late.

But what if I told you life doesn’t have to be this way. There is a better way to life but better doesn’t mean simpler. It just means better. What if I told you that there is something close to a formula to lead a better life? What if I told you that there is a five minute strategy towards overall well being? Well, if I said all these I would be lying. But there are certainly some proven and tested theories, not by me but my these geniuses, not from apple store, but from universities who believe that one’s state of happiness can be improved.

For this, you have to have a long yet short to-do list. And this to-do list is to be never crossed off. These items in your list should be there for ever and you should continually work on it, for life. Yes, this sounds tiring and it probably is. But this is our chance to learn and be happy.

The to-do list is about the things that gives you a surge of positive emotions. What do you love doing? What makes you feel alive and happy? Perhaps, it is connecting with your friends, talking to a stranger, maybe counting the falling stars, watching a football game with your father, cooking your favorite dish with your sisters or just about anything that makes you feel hopeful and optimistic. And when you find these, just do it over and over again. If you really look at it, it is like having a favorite movie or a song that you just can’t get enough of. Do the same in life, just play your happy thoughts and emotions in repeat. Turn on the loop, and trust me on this, it will never get too boring.

Laurie even had a set of mantras or even home-works for people. It was something like this-

  • Sleep 8 hours.

  • Meditate for 10 minutes.

  • Do something kind everyday.

  • Write five things you are grateful for every now and then.

It surely sounds like a cliche and a lot of crap and she agrees, it is all of that. But strangely, it works. And people who have actually followed this believe it to have changed their lives. All these discoveries really enthused me and I can’t wait to start preparing my own to-do list for life. This right here, writing to you, surely falls under that list and I really see that helping. So, just find your list and make it your greatest project of your life.

For me, it is undeniably going to be the quintessential venture in life. It is a project so important but it doesn’t really have a release date. This project will be more about the journey and less about the result. It will be something for which I would be willing to give in my days and nights working for. A project that has just one end user, one participant, one developer and one quality assurer. But, for me, this will be the most dear and most important project of all time. This is something I really cannot take a chance on. There aren’t really people who have the authority to fire me which is the reason why I have to be more disciplined. I know it is going to be hard, but I am undertaking this one. Because to Laurie, someone who even tries to be happy and fights against their status quo is a person who will inspire millions. And who knows if fifty years from now, someone just like Laurie will talk about my longest project in one of her episodes. Maybe she will talk about how happy the creator of it was, and then some happiness seeking freak, listening to it, will be pumped to write his own letter just like the one you just finished reading.

Wishing you all the happiness and love,

Anup

Here’s a link to my source for all of this crap.